


Knock Some Sense Into You

by Neyiea



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 10:36:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2618696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neyiea/pseuds/Neyiea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin, under the sway of the gold sickness, accuses Bilbo of stealing the Arkenstone even though it's laying right by his feet. In a fit of anger Bilbo kicks it at him.</p>
<p>He hadn't expected it to connect with Thorin's head. Or for Thorin to drop like a ton of bricks.</p>
<p>Or anything else that came after, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knock Some Sense Into You

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little fill I did for the kink meme since I got a kick (haha, pun) out of the prompt.

Bilbo doesn't consider himself a 'romantic', so he was sensible enough to never entertain any lavish fantasies of what Thorin and he would do if they miraculously survived confronting a dragon and managed to re-take the mountain. He hadn't thought of swooning in Thorin's strong arms or pulling him down by his hair to kiss him or even finally admitting that their feelings for each other were more along the lines of 'I love you' and not 'I _like_ like you', which he thinks they ought to have at least gotten out of the way back in Laketown.

So he hasn't been daydreaming about Thorin comparing his eyes to the colour of gemstones or his smile to being as precious as a deposit of Mithril, but he had expected something more than _this_.

With each hour that passes Thorin seems to become more distant, searching endlessly through the piles of gold for the one thing he seems to treasure above all. By the second day most of the others seem to have been overcome with the same single-minded focus. By the third Bilbo can hardly convince Thorin to stop his searching long enough to eat and when he persists in asking him to 'please, just take one moment to rest' Thorin looks at him with unfamiliar, harsh eyes and says:

"You may spend your time however you wish, so long as you quit wasting mine."

And that is no way to be speaking with anyone! Least of all someone who you had been more than happy to share leisurely kisses with half a week earlier!

So it goes without saying that Bilbo finds himself in a bad mood, his temper just _boiling_ under the surface, and it is only through a great deal of self control that he doesn't throw a temper-tantrum that would make the very foundations of Erebor shake.

Thorin is not himself and he knows it's not his fault, but sometimes it's really hard for Bilbo to remember that the dwarf he fell in love with isn't acting this way of his own accord.

Damnable gold, he'll never be able to look at it again without having his stomach churn.

On the fifth day, he sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

There, close to where Thorin is kneeling, half buried in golden coins, is a white jewel that seems to shine with its own light.

It has to be the Arkenstone, _it has to be_. Maybe now they can all finally get on with their lives.

"Thorin," he calls out excitedly, "Thorin! Look!"

He doesn't expect Thorin to swivel around, lunge to his feet and stare at him with unprecedented anger.

"Have I not said that I do not have time for you to waste? Be gone, if you will not help my search!"

Fíli and Kíli look over at them, both appearing uncomfortable, and Bilbo tries to send a reassuring smile their way.

"But Thorin," Bilbo takes a step forward, the stone is halfway between them now and Bilbo gestures right to it, "the Arkenstone-"

"It is my family's legacy! It is mine by right! How can it be that we have not yet found it after days of everyone searching?" Thorin's voice cracks and he rests his face in his hands. Bilbo takes another step, one hand reaching out cautiously. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Balin and Dwalin coming close, drawn by the sound Thorin's raised voice.

"Thorin."

The King stiffens. "But not everyone had been searching," he whispers, face slowly raising from his hands, eyes locking on Bilbo. "Why have you not been looking?"

"Well, someone has to make sure everyone else is going to eat, don't they?" Bilbo says with a falsely light tone. Thorin doesn't seem to hear him.

"You never even tried to look, did you? Because- because you knew that it was no longer here!"

"What are you trying to insinuate, exactly?"

"You took it, didn't you? I should have known I could not trust you! Betrayer! Get out of my mountain!"

"Thorin, you absolute- arg! If you want the Arkenstone so badly why don't you just take it?" Bilbo takes two quick steps and swings his right leg forward, the side of his foot connecting with the accursed gem.

It shoots up and hits Thorin in the head with an audible 'thunk'.

Thorin drops down like a rock.

Bilbo stops breathing. Everything is silent.

Then Kíli wails, "you've killed Uncle!"

Any dwarf that hadn't already been drawn close by the sound of their fight is suddenly there, practically pushing Bilbo out of the way as they clamour around Thorin to check for a pulse. Bilbo, anger having fizzled out the moment the rock had connected with Thorin's head, very slowly sits himself on the gold and puts his head between his knees, breathing deeply.

Dear sweet Yavanna, he's committed _regicide_. The dwarves are going to _kill_ him.

"He's not dead, you daft fools," Óin's voice raises to be heard over the commotion, his cantankerous tone so welcome it nearly sounds like bird-song in spring. "Stand aside and let him get some air."

Bilbo's head whips up and Thorin groans in pain as he comes to.

He hasn't committed regicide! Maybe if he can explain himself Thorin won't skin him alive. He hadn't meant for it to connect so hard, after all. It was lighter than he thought it would be too, which was why he kicked it as high as he did. He'd only meant to get Thorin in the chest, really.

"Where is-- the hobbit?"

Everyone abruptly stands aside and with a sniff Bilbo crawls several feet to where Thorin lies, his head pillowed in Fíli's lap while Kíli grips at his hand.

"Bilbo," he begins, and he doesn't look entirely lucid, his eyes shifting and blinking slowly, "you have bested me in combat."

"Wha- No." He most definitely had not.

"We will be married by sundown."

" _What?_ "

Fíli and Kíli wipe their eyes-- had they been crying? Now Bilbo feels a hundred times worse-- and they send watery smiles his way.

"We never knew you had it in you, Master Baggins," Fíli says and Kíli propels himself into Bilbo's limp arms with a laugh, crying happy tears into his neck.

Bilbo could cry too, if only out of confusion.

He absentmindedly pats Kíli's back and glances up to see if anyone else is as lost as he is, but everyone is either nodding to themselves like this is something they expected, or are grinning like they've just received a happy surprise. Dwarves and their strange customs. Of course they would think that nearly killing someone was a marriage proposal, _of course_. 

"You've just been concussed, we can't get married," Bilbo states in an attempt to be reasonable and Thorin's eyes, which had fluttered shut, open again very slowly as his eyebrows furrow. Clearly Óin needed to take a closer look at Thorin's poor, abused skull.

Speaking of, he should probably apologize for that, shouldn't he?

"I am sorry I knocked you unconscious. You didn't deserve it, even if you were being quite rude and yelling at me, and accusing me of things I haven't done." He gently nudges Kíli away and shifts closer to Thorin. "And since I am sure you are _very sorry for saying those terrible things to me_ I accept _your_ apology."

Thorin nods and opens his mouth. Bilbo cuts him off before he can say anything.

"But we're still not getting married by sundown."


End file.
